do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
