can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
