I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
