I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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