The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
