i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
