So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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