Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
