It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Michael Bay diarrhea
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
