So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
