Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
