wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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