just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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