you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
