you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
