you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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