he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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