Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
