Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
