2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
