I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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