I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Come share oat with me in your robe
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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