why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Never joke about your clitoris.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
