There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
