I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize