This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
