And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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