Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
