he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ttyl tear gas
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
