I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
