If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
