the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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