My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
