i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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