I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
