Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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