There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
