I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
