If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
