I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
