If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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