I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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