I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
