Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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