I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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