She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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