were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
