Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
