i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
