How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
