Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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