I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
