Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The adults are the big ones right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
