Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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