so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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