when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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