Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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