What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
