I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
