When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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