evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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