Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
