i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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