Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
