What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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