we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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