I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
