Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
