I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
