All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
