How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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