I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
