So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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