I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
