You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
