the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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