His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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