I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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